It’s been a funny old week with life carrying on much as usual. I think Pete’s diagnosis has had more of an impact on me than it has on him… he is so pragmatic about it all adopting more of a “what will be, will be” attitude whereas I’m a bit up and down – one minute feeling quite emotional, another resentful (e.g., “Why Pete? Why now?”), and others a little bit angry (“it’s so unfair!”) and confused (how long do we actually have left??) – so many things go through my head which, when you read the literature or Prostate Cancer UK website, are all legitimate feelings… Pete has a more simple approach and would say we just have to get on with it!

At one point in the week, I did wonder whether I was suffering from depression. I have enough self-awareness to know that when I am, what I would call “fed up with it all”, I tend to eat more and eat badly (sweet, doughy things being the favourite since alcohol is off the agenda!) and also know that the short term “high” I get from doing this doesn’t live up to the disappointment I feel after the sugar rush has worn off! Disappointment that I have, in some way, let myself down by eating all the wrong things… Leaving me feeling worse than ever – especially when the scales groan when I get on them!

Anyway, we’ve been for a few nice walks over the past week and I have made my Mum a cushion for the chair in her room (see above) which I will take up in the next day or so along with some recently delivered clothes I ordered for her online… has this keeping busy helped? I would say that, at the time of the walk or when you are being creative and making something, because your mind is focussed on what you are doing, of course it does… it’s when you are left with your own thoughts that it gets tricky… I think I just need to get used to the idea that we will be living, hopefully for a very long time to come, with cancer in our lives and that this shouldn’t really affect how we feel, what we do and our planning for the future… or, as Pete would say… we just need to get on with it!

We saw the consultant yesterday who gave us Pete’s results… he has what’s scarily called advanced prostate cancer which means there is cancer in one side of his prostate and possibly on his 10th rib. The hospital team were having an MDT meeting last night with colleagues from Bradford & Leeds where they were due to discuss Pete’s (& others) treatment and they have, in fact, just called to say they are unsure if what’s showing on his rib is cancerous or whether it’s just wear and tear… which is weird as we were talking yesterday, after the hospital visit, about how Pete must’ve broken a rib or two during his lifetime with all his previous near-death experiences and whether this had impacted on his current situation… Anyway, they’ve just said he needs to have a PET scan now to explore this before they decide on treatment.

That said, it has already been agreed that treatment to, as the consultant put it, “stop” the spread (which I understand means the cancer should not get any worse) will include starting a new hormone treatment in the next week or so and, we think, at least one cycle of chemotherapy which should start as soon as Pete has met with the chemo team – hopefully within the next 4 weeks or so. We are unsure about the chemo now because we think this might be dependent on whether the cancer has spread to the bones or not – so I guess this will be confirmed once the results of the PET are received? Additionally, they may yet decide he would benefit from radiotherapy but, now they have decided Pete needs a PET scan to determine what’s going on with his rib, I guess that decision will be put on hold until that’s done… looks like another trip to BRI is on the cards which means another stroll around the lovely Chellow Dean reservoir!

So, the past week, for me anyway, has been a bit of a blur… we have been on some nice walks, enjoyed the football on the telly (although watching England’s Lionesses is becoming as stressful as watching the men’s team… penalty shoot-outs are ok if you are not really bothered who wins!), and even watched the all Ireland Hurling final (which was cool 🤣). We also had a viewing last Saturday which, sadly, was a bit of a waste of time… honestly, we think the couple who came with their young daughter were just being nosey as they were only here for about 10 mins and didn’t really want to ask us anything / listen to any of Pete’s usual spiel! And they haven’t given any feedback following their viewing… a complete waste of time – boo!

We have another viewing this evening… although we still haven’t had any offers yet, we have a bit of a dilemma on what to do about the house now. Do we continue trying to sell in the knowledge that, if things carry on the way they have been since it first went on the market in February, it’s unlikely we will sell soon so Pete will be able to have his treatment well before any imminent move? Or should we take it off the market now so that we can focus on Pete’s treatment and getting his condition under control? The team at Airedale have suggested we should not look to move until Pete has had his chemo… that should be ok as, even if we got an offer this week, the sale itself could be expected to take at least 3-months to go through… oh, it’s difficult to know what to do as you can bet, now that we have other things to think about it will probably sell! Sod’s Law! Anyway, as you know by now, Pete would say not to worry about it… he’s already said that we don’t have to accept any offers that come through so perhaps I should just stop over-thinking all these things – I will give it a try!

So, that’s all our news… I know some might think that writing this blog and putting our life “out there” in the public domain is a bit self-indulgent but I find doing this enormously therapeutic! They say journaling is good for mental health and I would agree… we may not be the Kardashians or Osbournes, nor leading the complicated lives of celebrity, but life happens to us all with it’s ups and downs and it’s good to get things off one’s chest! As Collins’ we remain positive – as Dolly Parton says… if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain! And boy have we had some rain this past week!! 🤣

In closing, we want to wish our grandson Aedan Finnegan an amazing 17th Birthday! We are so proud of the young man he has become and love him dearly – enjoy your birthday in the sun bud!